How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
