i already hear my dad disowning me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
