I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
