it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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