I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
