gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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