So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
