But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
