dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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