Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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