Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
