Someone shit on the floor
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
