I think my fart just growled at me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
