we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
