gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
