I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
