I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
