Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
