So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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