so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
