We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
