I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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