the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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