whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
