i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
