I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
