U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
