brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
