do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
