that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
