Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
