remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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