Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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