I wish life had little blips of pornography
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
