What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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