1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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