Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
