In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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