I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
