smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
