Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
