so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
