also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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