Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
