drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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