update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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