Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
