Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this will be a night to untag.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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