Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
