my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
