I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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